The Chronicles of Carnia

Carnicle I: Cabbage

Before history there was Darín. Before civilization there was Boh. But before all, there was an essence. A small, all encompassing and all-powerful subsistence. Cabbage. This cabbage was peaceful… until a curse arrived. Hurling from the sky, a malevolent ball of fire came from the void! The impact was so great; it still stirs in the very soul of all humanity. As the heavens were torn, and the earth shattered, there was but one form of life left on the earth. The cabbage. It grew all about the Earth. In the land soon to be called Eden, this cabbage thrived ferociously. Billions of cabbages, relentless! Un-benevolent! There was no room for anything else to grow for thousands of miles! Then . . . the fateful day.

Years and years after the curse had fallen; an eruption from the deepest bowels of the earth came! There shook an awesome power! Direct from the deepest chasm of the crater, came a geyser! A streak of water; red, blue, green, pink, fluorescent orange and aquamarine . . . rainbow color! -shot at a temperature of infinity degrees! Soaring so high and bravura that the stars, sun, and the moon gave this strange fluid a touch of their grace. In a twinkling, the solution liquefied the entire planet! The atmosphere was brought back to health, and the balance which was upset by the curse was restored with tenfold the resources. For a year the flow from the fountain of youth never ceased.

The cabbages were all touched with this blessed fluid. With this sanctified liquid coursing through their endoplasmic reticulum, they were forever altered. After the miraculous geyser ceased to spout, six days went by, and on the seventh day an ostentatious happening was in motion! The cabbage all began to change colors. First, red blushed the cabbaged land. Blue followed, and then purple. The changing of pigments in the chloroplasts of the cabbage proceeded until every color ever conceived was implemented. Oh, what a sight to behold! The beauty was so marvelous that words are useless to undertake a fathom. Then, they turned to ink. Wicked was the look, as the pool of darkness contrasted with the night sky. Then, the sun began to rise. Every cabbage that the shimmering radiance touched began to slowly blush until complete glow illuminated every cabbage! Pure green did they become! Fields and fields of pure joie de vivre! It was as though a cloud from the heavens dual-buffed a piece of earth. Glorious the cabbage was! As soon as the sun was fully over the horizon, they all bloomed. And in the middle of every cabbage blossom… was a carnie.