Monday, August 22, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
The Chronicles of Carnia
Carnicle I: Cabbage
Before history there was Darín. Before civilization there was Boh. But before all, there was an essence. A small, all encompassing and all-powerful subsistence. Cabbage. This cabbage was peaceful… until a curse arrived. Hurling from the sky, a malevolent ball of fire came from the void! The impact was so great; it still stirs in the very soul of all humanity. As the heavens were torn, and the earth shattered, there was but one form of life left on the earth. The cabbage. It grew all about the Earth. In the land soon to be called
Years and years after the curse had fallen; an eruption from the deepest bowels of the earth came! There shook an awesome power! Direct from the deepest chasm of the crater, came a geyser! A streak of water; red, blue, green, pink, fluorescent orange and aquamarine . . . rainbow color! -shot at a temperature of infinity degrees! Soaring so high and bravura that the stars, sun, and the moon gave this strange fluid a touch of their grace. In a twinkling, the solution liquefied the entire planet! The atmosphere was brought back to health, and the balance which was upset by the curse was restored with tenfold the resources. For a year the flow from the fountain of youth never ceased.
The cabbages were all touched with this blessed fluid. With this sanctified liquid coursing through their endoplasmic reticulum, they were forever altered. After the miraculous geyser ceased to spout, six days went by, and on the seventh day an ostentatious happening was in motion! The cabbage all began to change colors. First, red blushed the cabbaged land. Blue followed, and then purple. The changing of pigments in the chloroplasts of the cabbage proceeded until every color ever conceived was implemented. Oh, what a sight to behold! The beauty was so marvelous that words are useless to undertake a fathom. Then, they turned to ink. Wicked was the look, as the pool of darkness contrasted with the night sky. Then, the sun began to rise. Every cabbage that the shimmering radiance touched began to slowly blush until complete glow illuminated every cabbage! Pure green did they become! Fields and fields of pure joie de vivre! It was as though a cloud from the heavens dual-buffed a piece of earth. Glorious the cabbage was! As soon as the sun was fully over the horizon, they all bloomed. And in the middle of every cabbage blossom… was a carnie.
Carnicle II: Concerning Carnies
Rapid was the civilization’s creation. With each passing harvest, more carnies sprang forth from the cabbages. The fields were ripe with birth, and the happy homes of carnies were bright and fun-loving. However, the inconvenience of waiting a full year to hatch new carnies sparked ideas in some carnie fathers. Perhaps the cabbages were not required to produce the small ones after all. Through trial and error, they perfected the mating ritual, and carnies overran the landscape at alarming speeds. They organized themselves into the roving nomadic nation of Carnia, and they achieved peace.
Carnicle III: The Exodus of the Elves
For millennia, the carnies dwelt in happiness. They went about their lives, gardening, drinking Carnie Ale, and eating Sweet Carnie Cupcakes. Day after day, year after year, they thought nothing but of joy and entertainment. However, a certain band of carnies was not pleased with their commonplace niche in the world. They moved increasingly apart from the ways of the carnie, going to great lengths to change their appearances in order to distinguish themselves from their fun-loving kin. In a great exodus that has not been matched since, the exile carnies left their homeland of Carnia. They ventured far and wide, searching for the great ice sorcerer, Sinterklääs.
The wanderers finally found him in his infamous icy fortress, The North Pole. After several days of bargaining and pleading, they came to an agreement on the fate of the carnies. Sinterklääs would alter the exiles’ appearances with no cost to the carnies. He molded their ears into fine points, making them resilient to the northern winds. As they were gratefully leaving, he called down his swift icy chariots upon them to capture and enslave the poor carnies. With a sinister cry, he cackled, “Boh boh boh, come my elf slaves! Work! Produce toys for Winterfeast!”
All that is now heard in the deep north is the cracking of ice whips and carnie cries.
Carnicle IV: The Scouring of Oompa and Loompa
Beyond the hill of Thornmallow, past the hills of Tribulla, and into the depths of the
Amongst these few hundred bushels of cabbage, there was the Watcher of the Cabbage. This particular carnie, by the cognitive Noompa, was all alone. All his days, from bud to adult carnie, he watched the cabbage. Being solitary, disconnected from almost any contact with other carnies, he began to conjure up three of his very own “specialized” cabbages. Failures after failure, his experiments were a disarray of his dream result. After much trial and error, and years and years of processing, Noompa, the Watcher of the Cabbage, finally produced three distinctly exceptional cabbages. All three were Technicolor and exuberant.
The three cabbages would have grown to become great influences to the ever growing carnie nation. But this was not to be. From the tallest tree in the
The next day was “Hatch Splendor Day”, the day when all the cabbages bloomed and gave way to another generation of carnies. Many excited carnie folk came to adopt new buds of their own. None, however, were as excited as Noompa. Anxiously, he climbed up the spiral staircase to the experiment room, overjoyed at the though that his beautiful buds would soon come into this world. He had even chosen their names already; Oompa, Loompa, and Poompa. He walked slowly, being patient to savor the moment.
As he entered the room, his own consternation reflected the sight he beheld on the counter. He could not suppress a carnie shriek. Behold: a pair of Siamese twins and a chocolate carnie, all lying in their recently bloomed cabbages. Cooing at the sun, they giggled and arose. The crowd stood in awe, staring at the freakish buds. The Siamese twins were conjoined at the fingers and toes, and were completely identical. As the sun continued to shine on the new carnies, the chocolate one, Poompa, began to melt. The aroma immediately caught the attention of the other two, Oompa and Loompa. Within seconds Poompa was devoured. The only remains were the chocolate stains on Oompa and Loompa’s moist, delicate lips.
The crowd was a bit concerned. A hush chatter began to wash over the host. Noompa stood and began to attempt to relay how much he still loved Oompa and Loompa to the rest of the carnies. They were mellowed by his affection and decided to accept Oompa and Loompa. But LO! Even Noompa would not accept them after finding out they could not cart a wheel, for every carnie had the innate ability to cartwheel before even crawling. When asked to perform a series of cartwheels at the carnie initiation, they were unfortunate to have been discovered. The banning of the twins could only solve this outrageous event. Such a great travesty of the carnie way of life compelled the carnies to go a step farther in chastisement. Not only ban them, but ban them to the desolate
There Oompa and Loompa stayed and produced offspring for thousands of years, every generation identical to the previous, apart from being Siamese twins. The harsh forest soon became known as “
Carnicle V: The Tainting of the Cabbage
Long after the banishment of Oompa and Loompa, in the pristine Carnian capitol, Carnival, laid the newfound House of Cabbage. Its caretakers went about their everyday business, going to and fro studying the little known secrets that lay within the crisp, sacred plant. Each morning, the fresh cabbage would arrive and be carried to the inspection room, where it would be carnie-searched, hog-tied, and pushed around. After it passed the freshness test, the cabbage would go through sprittzers filled with a secret solution to cleanse and sanitize before it was carted to the Nursery to be planted and observed. It was in this process that an unnamed shadow saw a flaw. Miles away from Carnia, he conjured his most malevolent plan…
On one rare gloomy and dank day in Carnia, the wagon which made the daily trip to and from the Nursery and carried the cabbage and cleansing solution was late. Never in recorded history had the delivery been tardy. The scientists and alchemists that worked in the House of Cabbage required daily shipments of cabbage, or the experiments could be delayed for months. It was at this time of mass hysteria that the wagon creaked to the delivery point at the Nursery. Every carnie in the House eagerly huddled inside, away from the beating rain. The door to the wagon swung open, and the driver jumped out. A gasp whispered through the crowd. Instead of the cheery smile of the normal delivery carnie, Hibbles, a dark, hooded figure stood at their feet.
The silent, stunned onlookers unloaded the baskets of cabbage, wearily eying the cloaked one. He apologized for his belated arrival in a voice that had the sound of burning cabbage. He stood at least a head taller than any of the others, making him a giant by carnie standards. His rain-soaked cloak hid his face well, but the carnies were sure that it must have been twisted and brooding. As the last basket was placed inside the House, the stranger reached into his cloak and pulled out the opaque vial of cleansing solution. He handed it to The Caretaker who readily and wearily accepted the vial, and hurried inside to begin the processes. The dark shadow flipped his cloak, mounted the wagon, and rode off into the fog, never to be seen again. The Caretaker popped the lid off of the vial and hastily poured the liquid into the machine, giving no heed to its slight lavender hue. The cabbages ran through the solution, and the scientists were content.
The days passed just as normal with a new, jolly delivery carnie who claimed that Hibbles had moved to a different route, and that no one had heard from him. The cabbages, however, seemed to be suffering from some type of malady. The new buds were not green, but purple. Blinded by their curiosity, the scientists continued to raise the cabbages. They studied them late into each night, documenting their growth and color. Intrigued with their new discoveries and eager to learn what lay under the indigo leaves, the cabbages were permitted to hatch. Little did the naïve scientists realize that this was exactly what the unnamed shadow had wanted.
On the expected hatching day, all the Highborne carnies stood round the Hatchery table. A bushel of new carnies would emerge that day; an event that had not happened in 200 years. The first movements from within the leaves silenced the crowd. A deep rumble shook the room. The onlookers wearily continued observing. As if by some great clock, the heads of purple cabbage all opened at the same time. The candles immediately gave out, and the hatchlings awoke…
Cries and screams were heard outside of the large oak door that closed the Hatchery. As the relentless wails ceased, clawing and gnashing began tearing the door apart. From within the soon-formed gaping hole leapt twisted, hunched and brooding creatures. They tore apart the Nursery and all the victims in it. They were eventually driven into the woods by the C-Army, were they dwell today, frequently kidnapping small bud-lings and terrorizing livestock. They were named Imps, for Improper Maturation Process.
Monday, August 15, 2005
DCI World Championships
Foxborough, MA
DCI World Championship Finals
08/13/2005
DCI World Championship Finals
08/13/2005
| 99.150 | |
| 97.625 | |
| 96.825 | |
| 95.250 | |
| 94.450 | |
| 92.625 | |
| 90.725 | |
| 88.650 | |
| 88.400 | |
| 88.225 | |
| 87.700 | |
| 86.075 |
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)